The Good, the Bed and the Ugly

Okay, really corny title.

This is the story about the awful Bed & Breakfast in Cork, Ireland to which I alluded in my post on 9/7. We had booked a room at Edelweiss House online before we left on our trip. We were intrigued by the pictures and description which made it sound really nice and quaint so we took a chance and booked it for the three nights that we would be in the Cork area.

We left Shannon late Saturday afternoon for the drive to Cork. The directions that we had printed out from the website were very confusing so we decided to call the B&B to get directions. The lady with the rich brogue on the other end of the line seemed to be quite a character and I thought we would probably enjoy our stay in her lodge.

The directions were roughly thus:

"Ye have to teek de exit fer Blarney. Y'go troo de town, pass de castle and go 5 kilometers out frome de town center. You'll tern left just pass de Huntsman, teek de next left and go for 7 kilometers. At de garij (garage) teek a right and we're just dere on de right." Sounded easy enough.

It was dark when we came to the exit for Blarney. We made our way through the town and soon found ourselves at the Huntsman Pub. We turned left just past the pub (actually, the road made a sharp curve to the left, so we had no other choice), took the first left and after a couple of blocks found ourselves in the midst of a housing development with a small shopping center.

I called the lady at the B&B and told her our predicament. Obviously irritated with us she gave me directions from there and we found ourselves right back at the Huntsman. Hmmm.

So we thought, maybe we would try again from there. When we found ourselves back at the Huntsman for the third time (this was getting old) I realized that the only thing to do was to call again.

I heard the lady's voice, "What!"

"Uh, well it seems we've found ourselves back at the Huntsman again. I'm sorry."

"Okay, now lissen. Go left pass de Huntsman, go to de end of de road and turn left..."

Ah ha! It dawned on us that when she said, "teek de next left," she didn't mean, turn left at de next road, but turn left at de end of de road.

She ended the conversation with, "Don't call me again!"

It was getting late and I was getting drowsy. It was a good thing that we were so close. A few minutes later we were pulling into the driveway at Edelwiess House. The lady(?) of the house greeted us at the door with a scowl, and showed us to our room.

The first thing we noticed as we entered the house was the unmistakable lingering aroma of old cigarette smoke. The room was, shall we say, cozy and decorated in early rummage sale. The brass canopied bed looked stunning next to the wicker lawn loveseat with its faded floral design cushions, which set off the pressed wood wardrobe beautifully. To complete the look, the floor was tastefully covered in green indoor/outdoor carpeting. There was a wonderful selection of Irish glossies to read.

Like a good hostess, she followed us out to our car as we unloaded our luggage. "What time would ye like breakfast in de marnin'?" she queried.

We had to be at church in Cork in the morning so we said, "Eight o'clock would be fine."

"Ye can't have it then. Cook doesn't arrive until 9."

We smiled and said, "Nine then."

We decided then and there that Edelweiss House would be the perfect B&B to stay at for one night if you'd made the mistake of booking it online and arrived there late at night. We agreed that we would check out in the morning. After breakfast.

It was prudence which told us to keep our suitcases closed overnight, lest all our clothes absorb the cigarette-laden atmosphere.

When I told the lady of the house that we would be checking out, she was none too happy. "I could charge ye fer de full tree nights since dat's what ye booked. But I'll just charge ye fer de one." Her charity warmed my heart.

As we made our way through the dining area with our luggage, there was nervous silence from the other guests. You could almost hear them thinking, "Lucky stiffs. We wanted to check out early, but how would that look now that you've jumped ship?"

After church that morning we made our way to an internet cafe and found a few possible B&B's and began calling them. The first one we called, Rivermount House, had a vacancy, so we booked it. We were intrigued by the pictures and description. Yeah, I know, but this time it was different. Really! It was a bit further out of Cork near Kinsale to the south. We told them to expect us in the late evening.

We ate dinner in Kinsale and made our way to Rivermount House, arriving just at dusk. The man of the house greeted us and told us as we climbed the stair that we got the last room -- they were fully booked -- so they had to put us in the family suite. It seemed to us the Taj Mahal. It was beautifully decorated and not so "cozy" as the previous night's accommodation.

The next morning we were not only stunned by the view from our room, but "Claire's Special Porridge" was out of this world. We never realized that oats could taste so good.

Our hosts were very gracious. They were dead set against smoking. We had breakfast at eight o'clock. It was just what we needed after our night in hell -- I mean Edelweiss House.